This chapter explores the following questions:


  • What is romance?
  • What does it mean to attach to another human being?
  • What does healthy attachment look like? 
  • Is monogamy the only option?
  • Is marriage an outdated social construct?
  • Is it possible to be an ethical slut? 
  • How does our sexuality influence our thinking, feeling, and behavior? 
  • What makes our species so special?

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brain dump:


  • Game theory and romance / reciprocation
    • How do I invest my time (not spend it) such that I experience maximum joy while enabling others' joy?
    • Give everyone the benefit of the doubt - assume they intend to give you joy

  • Sperm wars
  • The red queen
  • The selfish gene
  • The ethical slut
  • The new politics of sex
  • Meeting in captivity
  • Come as you are
  • Insecure in love
  • Attached
  • Sex at dawn
  • Esther Perel
  • arthur aron and the 36 questions
  • Dan Savage


pop sources:


  • Come as You Are
  • Esther Perel
  • Ethical Slut
  • Sex at Dawn
  • Sperm Wars
  • The Red Queen
  • Dawkins
  • River out of Eden
  • Biological determinism
  • Sapolsky
  • handbook of relationship initiation
  • economics of dating
  • Studies showing how healthy sex can be
  • Polyamory thinking
  • Sex mindset: partner's body is a canvas and you can paint it with pleasure together
  • Bicuriosity - joy of human experience / novelty
  • Joy of mutual sacrifice
  • Misc dating strategies / personas
  • Trust, disclosure, vulnerability, transparency, infidelity
  • This might be a good place for genes + neurons / the moral duty of homo sapiens

  • The Dragons of Eden
  • The Demon-Haunted World
  • The evolution of the genome
  • River out of Eden
  • The way to love

    Online community cultivation